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If you think that emotional closeness threatens you and your autonomy, it's because of who you think YOU are, and what you think RELATIONSHIP is. Only changing those ideas will remove the sense of danger.

The true Self is expansive and all embracing. It is connected to other people, and it can be fulfilled only in that connection. However, society tells us that we're too weak, that we're not autonomous enough, when we feel a sense of connection. We wrongly conclude that we need to retreat to isolation to work on getting stronger. The problem there is, the more separated we become, the more desperately needy of relationships we feel.

Let's not blame relationship, or emotional closeness itself, for that feeling of neediness. In reality, only through healthy relationship will our neediness diminish, and will we achieve real strength and sustainable autonomy.

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