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Worry, well-being, and social relations
Financial problems and arguments about money number among the most common reasons given for divorce. It is said that love can conquer all, and that's true in the case of exceptionally strong and healthy partners. But practical problems can drain well-being so terribly that often, love crumbles under the strain.
The fact is, pragmatic dysfunction -- a chronic pattern of mismanaging life-level responsibilities -- is a huge black hole that affects people all around. When one of your friends repeatedly screws up on basic behaviors like paying the rent late or burning the dinner, and constantly worries about life level problems, it can be a drain on both of you. So, any person can make a huge contribution to those around him just by putting his practical affairs in order! That's an important thing to know -- and implement.
Setting things right in the practical sphere affects social prospects in many ways. If you have your practical life together you feel good about yourself, and more presentable. If your practical life is a terrible mess, you certainly don't want anyone to get too close. If your house is dirty and disorganized, you don't want someone you care about to see the pigsty you're living in. If you're unemployed, you might be embarrassed for a prospective life partner to know it. Anything you yourself aren't proud of could be a reason for that someone special to reject you. And why not? Great minds think alike.
Furthermore, you may feel too insecure on account of your untogether life to be ready for relationship. For example, if you're intensely worried about things, you won't feel in the mood to put on a happy face and go out on a date. Sometimes it really IS better to say, "Call me back in a week. Right now I'm too preoccupied. I need to untangle my mess." You want to be proud of where you're at, what your life situation is, how you're going, before you "show up" in relationship.
Is this putting too much store by practical things?
It's true that no one should put too much store by practical things. But how much is too much? Realistically, can you NOT worry about it? At some point, we need to get our lives together, if only to please ourselves -- no matter whether we think we "SHOULD" care about those things or not.
And actually, we should care about practical life -- because it has such strong connections to things of the spirit. For instance, we don't acquire spiritual virtues like diligence, courage, awareness, care, consideration, and conscientiousness by reading about them or by watching others exercise them. We develop them by the way we handle our practical lives.
The ability to bring spiritual values and principles into everyday circumstances elevates human relationships beyond the level of pleasant but unsatisfying associations, conflictual collaborations, and gut-wrenching emotional roller coaster rides. Strong spiritual muscles, built in the practical sphere, allow relationships to be truly fulfilling.
The central role of practical service for social life
As we've seen, handling our ordinary life responsibilities well helps us be a good half of a good relationship. But we don't want to help ourselves only. Essentially, the spiritual purpose of all God's children -- AND our own heartfelt desire -- is to help one another. We all want to be able to make a positive difference to other people, and we feel incomplete otherwise.
Ordinary life situations provide a great context in which to fulfill this Divine mandate. People talk love and commitment more than they LIVE love and commitment. But talk is cheap. At some point, lip service falls short. The important thing is, "What would you DO for love?" To be effective, the INTENTION to serve must be backed up with ACTION.
The specific social benefits of practical service are numerous. We further ourselves, help others, and reinforce our spirituality, all through practical service to others.
The benefits of practical service to ourselves
1. Practical service gives us an almost-sure win. "Will I be accepted?" is always an important question in social interactions. So it's a big plus that practical service is something the recipient can ALWAYS use and appreciate. Loving service and support on the practical level -- cleaning the house, for example -- is universally welcome. The gift of service never goes in the back of the closet with those sweaters of the wrong size or color.
2. Practical service creates plentiful relationship opportunities. The practical sphere is a good place to get a potentially stalled social life up and running again. Many of us have dropped out of the "relationship market." Perhaps we lack sufficient confidence because of inexperience. Possibly we've withdrawn to nurse the hurts of past relationships. We may feel daunted by emotional complications and compulsions that arise in us when we become personally involved.
Practical service is a great way -- and sometimes the only way -- to get our "minimum daily requirement" of human contact and relationship practice. In the process of serving people, we can relate with them in a context that is relatively free from social fear and complication. That might happen while helping a friend clean out a garage. It might happen at work, at school, at church, or in any kind of volunteer work.
Granted, circumstantial associations may not completely fill our hollow leg for relationship. Nonetheless, intentional service DOES provide a basis for satisfying interactions. When serving others, or serving WITH others, we get to know them better than more fleeting or casual contact would allow. And who can doubt that the spiritual intention of HELPING dramatically improves the QUALITY of relating? Service is caring made manifest. Caring about others brings US closer to them. Being cared about makes THEM feel closer to us. So service not only helps us form relationships, but also gives those relationships soul-nourishing depth and quality.
3. Practical service develops social skills. We need good social skills to successfully pursue many important goals and activities. Sincere attempts to serve others in practical, ordinary ways helps us develop social skills in a relaxed and unpressurized way.
The benefits of practical service to others
1. Being served instills a sense of worthiness in the receiver. Sometimes, when people are served with real loving intention, they feel moved to ask, "Why are you being so good to me?" The REAL answer to the question, spoken or unspoken, is this: "Because you deserve it!" And whether you tell them in words or not, they can feel it in your actions.
Through both the loving spirit and high quality of your personal service, you send an uplifting message to the recipient: "You are good, and worthy of love. I care about you and want you to be happy." You are communicating to people who you think they are, and make no mistake: Who you think they are makes a big difference to them.
2. REGULAR service is "a gift that keeps on giving." The cumulative benefit of ongoing service is enormous, both practically and emotionally. Surely, a regular service commitment communicates devotion and loyalty much better than any gift, however flashy, can possibly do.
The cosmic benefits of practical service
1. Practical service may seem humble, but it has truly cosmic implications. The body itself is a physical symbol of separation. Practical service bridges that barrier -- it actually USES the body to create a sense of oneness. The more we serve each other physically, the more we call attention to our spiritual unity.
2. God needs our help. When we serve, we are sharing God's love with our brothers and sisters in the family of God. God doesn't just APPRECIATE such work; God NEEDS the help. Truly, for God's love to be shared on earth, someone besides Him has to DO it. If you're looking for a sense of purpose, you can't find a better one! As Mother Teresa of Calcutta said, "Do something beautiful for God."
3. The cosmic benefits of teamwork. Anyone who has tried it knows, working together in teams can be more challenging than working alone, because it requires a higher level of maturity -- specifically, more ego-transcendence. Because of that, if teamwork were OPTIONAL, many people would do all their projects alone! But oftentimes, cooperative effort is NOT optional. The more practical you are, the more you realize that a TEAM is needed to complete any large project, because "many hands make light the work." Therefore, a truly practical approach ends up CREATING the social alliances upon which goal accomplishment depends.
It is fortunate that practical necessity requires us to stretch spiritually in ways we might otherwise have avoided. Unquestionably, the teamwork experience advances the evolutionary progress of all the team members. Who among us would not benefit by the process of cooperation, by the energy of spiritual joining, by the resolution of disagreements, by the promotion of harmony, and by the celebration of accomplishments? When all is said and done, there is no work so joyous and heartening as work done shoulder-to-shoulder with others -- particularly when doing projects of human/spiritual value.
Paying our dues for social success
Because of our deep human and spiritual need for social interaction, no life value has more importance to our hearts than interpersonal relationship. But everyone knows that relationship success requires more than mere desire. To really get it together with others in a viable and sustainable way takes WORK. That work gets done in the context of everyday practical interactions. We work SMART when we wholeheartedly bring our spiritual values to all our ordinary affairs.
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